How to ask for money from your boyfriend or husband without making him feel awkward. There’s always that awkward moment when you have to ask your partner for money. Money can be an emotional issue, and it can often lead to disagreements and fights between lovers, which no one wants.
To avoid this situation in the future, you need to learn how to ask your boyfriend or husband for money in a way that doesn’t make him feel uncomfortable or annoyed about the whole thing.
Here are some suggestions for asking your boyfriend for money:
Before you can ask your boyfriend for money, it’s important to evaluate your spending habits and financial obligations. Make a list of all your expenses, including rent, utilities, transportation costs, food, and entertainment.
If there are any irregular expenses, like car repairs or medical bills, include those too. Be sure to include a cushion for emergencies. The number you come up with is probably higher than you expected—that’s normal! That said if you are living on less than that amount each month before asking your boyfriend for help—great job! You can skip ahead.
2. Consider the amount he already spends on you
Remember, your boyfriend isn’t a mind reader. If you want him to pay for your portion of dinner, consider suggesting it when he suggests going out. Rather than pressuring him with a guilt trip about how you need money, just say something like You know what would be nice? It if we could go out without feeling like we were broke college students. How about if I get myself a gift card for dinner, and then next time you can grab drinks on me? This way, there’s no pressure—you didn’t ask him directly for money—but he knows you feel bad that his wallet is always emptier than yours. Plus, it gives him an opening to come up with a solution that benefits both of you.
3. Acknowledge how much you appreciate his generosity
Don’t just come out and ask him for money. Instead, first, acknowledge how generous he is.
Many boyfriends (and husbands) would be happy to give their significant other any amount of money, so acknowledge how nice it is that he’s offered up his own funds to help you get what you want.
You don’t have to be over-the-top in your praise, but a simple thank you so much—that means a lot of coming from you should suffice.
If you’re in a relationship, and you need money, it can be hard to talk about. But figuring out exactly what you need—and why—is an important first step. If your partner wants to help but has no idea how, help him by explaining where you are and what your expenses are like.
Then, tell him what he can do that would really make a difference. Saying something like I need $1,000 to make my car payment is more actionable than saying you always take me out to dinner at expensive restaurants.
Talk about what you want, not just what you don’t want. For example, I know we love going out on Friday nights, and I’d still love to do that every once in a while, but if we could cut back on our restaurant spending for one month, we could afford to go on vacation. Be clear about your expectations: Make sure both of you know whether asking for money is meant as a short-term solution or if it’s long-term support.
If you’re asking for short-term help with rent because you lost your job and have savings set aside for emergencies, then there’s no shame in telling him that his support will only last three months until things get better financially.
5. Keep it short and sweet
Don’t make it feel like a homework assignment. Don’t get offended if your boyfriend is resistant at first. Remember, he may be trying to protect you and his wallet! And try not to ask over text or in a casual setting, where there are no stakes.
Remember that your conversation will probably run longer than a simple yes/no answer—he may have questions of his own. Be prepared with good answers (even though you might not know them all off-hand). This isn’t just a quick question; it is an opportunity for both of you to discuss what kind of future you see together and how you’re going to get there together!
6. Don’t ask for too much at once
This may sound like common sense, but you’d be surprised at how many women I work with fall into exactly that trap. I don’t want to ask him for money because it will stress out our relationship and make things awkward. Plus, he might think I’m greedy!
So, what if we just set up a weekly cash allowance? Then it won’t be so much all at once. Yeah! That makes perfect sense! How much should I ask him for each week? $100? That seems reasonable… right? Right??? Maybe I should just not even ask him and save my own money…but then he won’t let me borrow any of his stuff….
There are two excellent ways to frame your request. The first way is by describing what you’re looking to do and how much money you need and why. Two possible ways to solve this is to either come up with a suggestion that he can participate in and offer him the chance to do so, or offer to hang out with your friends for the day and tell him you want him to be included.
8. Be honest
You’re having a hard time keeping up with expenses. Don’t beat around the bush—be honest about your situation and make sure your boyfriend knows you don’t want him to worry. Then, be ready to answer questions he might have about where your money goes each month. (i.e., Where does all my money go?) If he still seems hesitant, offer some suggestions on ways you can cut back (such as canceling cable or returning that cute new handbag).
Bottom line: Honesty is always key, and if you want something (like a financial bailout), you should expect that you’ll need to work together and compromise in order to make it happen.
9. Build the expectation
When you first start dating someone, it can be tough to think about asking them for money. The best way to minimize awkwardness and maximize your chances of getting what you want is to do a little bit of pre-work.
For example, if your boyfriend is always running out of his favorite coffee creamer, see if he’s open to buying an extra carton now and then so that it’s stocked in his fridge at all times. If he says yes, use that as evidence that he likes you enough (or thinks highly enough of you) that you’ll have no problem asking him for money down the road—and maybe even suggests what kind of amount would be appropriate!
10. Practice response in advance
Asking your significant other for money can be awkward, no matter how much you love him. But you shouldn’t have to miss out on a fun experience just because he doesn’t want to spend his money on you.
You know that having control over your spending habits is important, so if he won’t give in, find another way: Save up enough money beforehand.
Even if he does not give you the money, ask for help from friends and family. If it helps, remind yourself that most people aren’t opposed to assisting their partners in pursuing their interests—they just don’t like being surprised by an unexpected request.
Practice what you’re going to say with a friend who is good at giving advice ahead of time; she will help ensure that your tone and body language are as non-threatening as possible when you approach him with your request.
11. Know what to say if he refuses
You might feel awkward asking him outright, but by using a simple phrase that boils down your need into one clear sentence, you’ll make it easy on both of you.
Rather than telling him flat out that you need money, tell him what you need help with and then use a line like I was hoping I could ask for some financial assistance or Would it be okay if I asked you to help me out with… When your request is prefaced like that, he can’t refuse without looking bad.
And if he does refuse, simply thank him and move on; don’t linger on why he’s being so stubborn. He may not realize how much his refusal hurts you, and just needs to hear a few key phrases to understand where you’re coming from. The more understanding he has of your perspective, the easier it will be for him to say yes next time.
12. Don’t expect that he always say yes
It may be hard, but it’s important that you don’t expect your boyfriend to say yes every time you ask for money.
After all, he doesn’t work just so you can afford expensive dinners and a new purse. You should treat him with respect by allowing him to spend his money however he wants; in return, he’ll likely be more generous with your requests.
Be sure to remind yourself that asking for money is not only your right but also a show of consideration on your part: If you don’t ask, after all, how will he know what’s important?
13. Be generous and patient
There’s a reason why it’s called romance. If you love someone, you should be generous and patient. If he doesn’t give you money because he is out of work and that’s why he doesn’t have any, life will continue. You can find ways to make money if you need it badly.
What most girls do when they feel like they want to ask their boyfriend for money is either talk about something else until their partner gets what they mean, or try very hard not to mention anything about money until they can figure out how to tell him without hurting his feelings.
Conclusion (How to Ask Him Money )
The most important thing you can do when asking your boyfriend for money is to keep in mind that you deserve it. So let’s start with why: You are an independent, functioning adult who is capable of working and making a living on your own. But sometimes life happens, and being a grown-up also means being able to recognize when you need help—and ask for it.
That doesn’t make you any less of an adult; it makes you smart enough to know that having someone else’s support only increases your odds of success. The good news is, even if you don’t see eye-to-eye with your boyfriend on how much money he should be giving you or what its purpose should be ( rent? Groceries? A new laptop?), asking him for help can actually bring you closer together.
If he says no, ask why and then discuss it calmly and maturely. You might not get everything you want right away, but there are ways to work out a compromise without feeling like a child or a freeloader. And if he says yes—even just once—you’ll have proven yourself as an independent woman who knows her own worth and isn’t afraid to ask for help when she needs it most.
Frequently Asked Questions
A. Is it okay to ask for money from your boyfriend?
Sometimes we need money that we don’t have right away, and it’s okay to ask our boyfriend for it. Before you ask him, think about whether you really need the money right now:
Is this a true emergency?
Is it a necessary expense?
Are you looking to purchase something specific?
Do you have a compelling reason for him to pay?
You should never ask for something just because you want it, unless it’s an emergency or you’re trying to pay rent, and he said it was okay before (not during an argument). Sometimes people are hesitant to give their partner money because they believe their partner is already contributing in other ways, such as paying more expenses and sharing financial responsibilities.
Recognize that having a relationship necessitates compromise—don’t take anything personally!
B. How do you get a stingy boyfriend to spend you?
The truth is that your boyfriend, who might be stingy about money because he’s never had to worry about it before, might not even know how to deal with you if you push him to spend.
Don’t try to hide what you want; instead, figure out where he can find value in meeting your demands. Think of a way that he can understand spending money as a gift, and ask him point-blank—but do it in a kind and understanding way.
For example: When we go out with our friends, I get so jealous when we all split checks at restaurants—I just want us to have something more substantial to celebrate being together.
C. What is a cheap boyfriend?
The term is sometimes used as a joke, but it can actually be applied to someone who doesn’t offer financial support. Men have been called cheap boyfriends for all sorts of reasons, usually stemming from issues like codependency and control.
If you think your boyfriend may be cheap, ask yourself these questions: Have you ever felt pressured into buying something? Has he ever made his income a central issue in your relationship? Does he constantly talk about being broke and poor? If so, it’s possible that he uses money as a means of control over you—and also as a form of hiding his own insecurities.